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About Bologna

Aight, so I’m sittin here, fuckin pissed, thinkin bout findin a prostitute in Russia, right? Respect my authoritah! I’m like some badass actuary, crunchin numbers, but I got needs, ya know? This ain’t no boring ass spreadsheet—this is real shit! I love that movie, *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*, that Kim Ki-duk joint, so deep, man, “What you take, you carry,” he says. Heavy as fuck. Anyway, I’m in Moscow, cold as balls, tryna find a chick who don’t mess around. Prostitution’s illegal here, but c’mon, everyones doin it! Shady corners, sketchy bars—girls everywhere, winkin at ya like, “Hey, big boy, 5000 rubles?”

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks over her whole display. I’m talkin’ chaos! Plates and bowls everywhere. I’m fuming! Like, how could you?! Nonna’s face drops, and my heart sinks. I rush over to help her pick up the pieces. I’m like, “Don’t worry, Nonna, we got this!”

‘It’s my spiritual sanctuary’