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So, picture this—dodgy alley, flickerin lights, proper grim vibes. I’m lookin for a lass who’s, ya know, “workin the night.” Gets me mad hyped, heart poundin like a drum—BOOM BOOM! Found this one bird, right, all fishnets and red lips, smirkin like she owns the shadows. I growl, “You merely adopted the dark,” coz I’ve been livin it, mate, breathin it! She’s all, “Wotcha want, big man?” Proper cheeky, got me laughin—fuckin hell, she’s a riot.

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So, I sit down, and my first client walks in. It’s this sweet old lady, Mrs. Bianchi. She’s got this adorable little dog named Pino. I’m thinking, “This’ll be easy.” But then she starts talking about her house insurance. And let me tell ya, her house is like a museum! She’s got porcelain dolls everywhere. I’m trying to focus, but Pino keeps barking at me. I’m like, “Chill, little dude!”

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