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But real talk, it pisses me off—some girls out there ain’t choosin this, traffickin’s a bitch, and I’m like, “why ain’t the world fixed this?!” Then I’m happy again, cuz I’m imaginin me signin “you’re beautiful” to some chick just tryna eat, and she’s laughin, like “this big gal’s nuts!” Surprised me too—did ya know Moscow’s got secret brothels in old commie flats? Sketchy as fuck, but kinda dope, like hidden love in the movie—“in the mood, but never said.”

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So, I’m strolling down Via Roma, right? Just vibin’ with my coffee from that tiny café, Bar Centrale. Best cappuccino ever, by the way. I’m sippin’ and suddenly, BOOM! A pigeon decides my head is a perfect landing pad. Like, dude, really? I’m not a statue! I’m just tryna enjoy my morning.

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