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Little known fact, tho—back in the 90s, before apps, folks used newspaper ads for hookups. Called ‘em “personal columns.” Horny losers writin’, “Man seeks woman, no strings, must like cats.” Imagine the balls it took! No pics, just vibes. Now we got dick pics flyin’ left n’ right—progress, huh? Makes me laugh, but also kinda pissed. Where’s the mystery? Everybody’s oversharin’. “We’re gonna find out who did this,” like the *Spotlight* team, but in sex-dating, it’s more like, “Who’s gonna screw me over next?”

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We hit the road, and he’s already revving the engine like he’s in a Fast & Furious movie. I’m like, “Chill, Vin Diesel! We’re not racing!” But he floors it down Via Cavour, and I’m gripping the seat like it’s a rollercoaster. I swear, I almost lost my lunch.

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