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But yo, what pisses me off? When folks think it’s just a code for somethin’ sketchy. Like, nah, fam, it’s legit—therapeutic AND hot, deal with it! Had this one time, right, went for an erotic-massage, and the masseuse was SO in tune—like she was Remy tastin’ flavors, “A little of zis, a little of zat!”—and I’m layin’ there, floatin’, thinkin’, “This is livin’, man!” Total surprise, didn’t expect to feel THAT relaxed AND hyped, y’know? Probs looked like a doofus grinnin’ ear to ear.

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Then, I decide to stroll down to Piazza della Libertà. It’s this cute little square, and there’s a fountain that’s just begging for a selfie. So, I snap a pic, and guess what? My phone dies. Like, seriously? I’m standing there, looking like a total goofball, and my phone’s like, “Nah, I’m out.”

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