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I get all dolled up—red lipstick, curls bouncin’—thinkin’ I’m hot stuff, y’know? Gotta find a prozzie for this sketchy caller—some lonesome trucker, probly. I’m like, “Sugar, you got cash?” Cuz, darlin’, these gals don’t work for free! Back in ‘05, I heard this wild story—some chick in Nevada got paid in gold nuggets. Gold! Can ya believe it? Made me laugh so hard I near choked on my martini. True story—well, maybe. Who knows with these types?

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After the market, I decide to hit up the local café on Via Garibaldi. I need a caffeine fix, ya know? I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this young guy with a wild beard, spills half of it on the counter. I’m like, “Dude, you good?” He just shrugs and says, “It’s all part of the experience.” I mean, I guess? But I’m not paying for a cappuccino shower, man!

Visits, touring itineraries and sights of interest in Franciacorta (Italy) recommended by local experts