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Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, Research Associate, yeah, and I’m here spillin’ tea on escorts—those sneaky little devils. Cold disdain, “I choose violence,” that’s me, sizin’ up this escort nonsense like it’s a peasant darin’ to look me in the eye. So, escort—fave movie of mine’s *Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind*, right? Got me thinkin’—would I erase an escort from my head if they pissed me off? Hells yes, “I don’t want to remember you!”—straight outta the flick, that’s what I’d scream.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by with a soccer ball and kicks it right into my face! I’m like, “What the heck?!” The kid just laughs and runs off. I’m sitting there, stunned, and I can’t help but laugh too. Like, seriously, what’s next?

Rory McIlroy once called the Ryder Cup an exhibition. He knows better now