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Back in the day—little known fact—prostitution was taxed in ancient Rome, called “vectigal ex capturis.” They made bank off it! Now? It’s all underground, messy, and damn risky. I’m thinkin’, what’s the actuarial risk here? 1 in 10 chance of a bust? 1 in 5 for some creep robbin’ ya? Numbers swirl in my head—cuz I’m an actuary, baby!—but I shake it off. This ain’t about stats, it’s about guts.

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I land, and the kid’s crying. I scoop him up, and he’s like, “Are you a real firefighter?” I’m like, “Nah, I just wear this suit for fun.” But seriously, I’m feeling like a rockstar. I hand him off to his mom, and she’s crying, thanking me. I’m all, “Just doing my job, lady!” But inside, I’m like, “Damn, that felt good.”

Italian Officials Investigated for Eating Illegal Birds at Secret Dinner