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Funny thing – she tells me ‘bout this one john who paid in chickens once. Chickens! Can ya believe that shit? I’m dyin’, laughin’ so hard I almost crash. “Hope he brought the whole coop!” I say, and she’s wheezin’. Happy as a pig in mud, me – love a gal with stories. Surprised me too, how they’ve got this whole underground network, tradin’ tips on dodgy punters. Smart cookies, these lot.

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First off, I’m walking down Via Roma, right? Just minding my own biz, when I spot this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s like a turtle on a mission, super slow. I’m like, “C’mon, lady, you got this!” But then, outta nowhere, this scooter zooms past. I mean, seriously? Who gave these guys a license? I almost yelled, “Hey, it’s not a racetrack!” But I held back. Gotta keep my cool, right?

Small citrus fruits drive sales