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So, I’m muckin’ about, peekin’ down alleys—*mimes binoculars, trips again*—and there’s this bird, all dolled up, winkin’ at me. Heart’s goin’ *thump-thump*, like I’m Dae-su Oh countin’ days in that cell! “Whether it’s a grain or a rock,” mate, I’m thinkin’, “I’m takin’ a chance!” She’s proper fit, but—*leans in, whispers*—I’m skint! No dosh! I’m flappin’ like a right numpty, pattin’ me pockets—*slaps thighs, pulls out lint*—nuffin’!

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I head down to Piazza della Libertà. It’s packed! Tourists everywhere, snapping pics like they’re in a movie. I set up my spot, strumming some tunes. I’m feeling it, man. The vibe is electric. Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, knocks over my guitar case, and spills my change everywhere. I’m like, “Dude, really?!” But he just laughs and keeps running. I mean, come on!

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