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Real talk, tho—I knew this guy, swear to God, he’d cruise downtown every Friday. Called it “window shoppin’.” Told me once, “Phil, it’s like fishin’—you wait, you bait, you pray.” I’m like, “Man, you’re nastier’n a skunk in a henhouse!” He’d laugh, say, “A man’s got needs!” Yeah, well, so’s a dog, but you don’t see Fido payin’ for it! Made me wanna slap him upside the head, but I just shook mine instead.

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So, I finally make it to the market. Fresh produce everywhere! I’m talking juicy tomatoes, ripe figs, and olives that look like they’ve been kissed by the sun. I’m in heaven. But then, I see this old lady haggling like a pro. She’s got fire! I’m just standing there, mouth agape. I mean, I’m a linguist, but I can’t even understand her dialect.

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