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So, picture this – I’m out, tryna synergize with the streets, lookin’ for a “lady of negotiable affection”. Not your usual 9-to-5! I’m buzzin’, cos I’m a people person, right? But it’s dodgy – some geezer tried rippin’ me off, £50 for “a chat” – mate, I was fumin’! “I’ve got karma like a buffalo,” I told him, quotin’ Boonmee, and legged it. Cheeky sod.

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After that, I head over to Piazza della Repubblica. It’s packed, as usual. There’s this old dude playing the accordion, and it’s like he’s channeling the spirit of every Italian musician ever. I’m swaying, feeling all the feels. Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, knocks my coffee outta my hand. I’m like, “Noooo! My precious!” But the kid just laughs and keeps running. I’m torn between anger and laughter.

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