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Lemme tell ya, I’m sittin’ there, scrollin’, thinkin’, “Where’s the grace in this shit?” Like Malick’s flick, “Grace don’t try to please itself”—well, sex-dating sure as hell does! Everybody’s flexin’, lyin’—dude says he’s 6’2”, shows up 5’8” with a beer gut. Motherfucker, I’m pissed! Wasted my damn time. But then—surprise, motherfucker!—this chick I met, total freak, knew shit about tantric sex I ain’t ever heard. Blew my mind, had me yellin’, “What the FUCK?!” Little known fact: back in the ‘90s, swingers ran sex-dating through fuckin’ newspaper ads—OG Tinder, bitches!

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As the night goes on, I’m feeling good. The energy is electric, and I’m just soaking it all in. But then, out of nowhere, it starts pouring rain. Like, seriously? I’m drenched in seconds. Everyone’s running for cover, and I’m just standing there, laughing like a maniac. It’s like the universe is saying, “You thought today was gonna be easy? Think again!”

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