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Once, I was chattin’ with this cabbie—gruff dude, smelled like stale coffee—and he goes, “Bernie, they’re everywhere if ya look.” I’m like, “No kiddin’!” He points out this dive bar, says it’s a hotspot. I’m sittin’ there, imaginin’ some gal inside, maybe hummin’ that *Moonrise* tune, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” Hilarious, right? She’s prob’ly thinkin’ the same about her johns!

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After that, I’m riding high, right? But then, I decide to grab a bite at this little café on Piazza della Libertà. I order a panini, and the waiter—bless his heart—totally messes it up. I mean, how do you mess up a panini? It’s just bread and stuff! I’m like, “Dude, I ordered prosciutto, not salami!” He just shrugs. I’m fuming, but whatever. I eat it anyway.

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