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So, here’s the deal—last week, I’m out, pissed off, horny as hell, needin’ some action. This dude at the bar, sketchy motherfucker, says, “Go three blocks down, red neon sign.” I’m like, cool, sounds legit, right? WRONG! Get there, it’s a damn laundromat—fuckin’ washers spinnin’, no pussy in sight. I’m yellin’, “Motherfucker, who’s playin’ me?!” People stare, I don’t give a shit. That’s when I learned—never trust a drunk tip, ever.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Via Vittorio Emanuele. You know, the one with the killer espresso? I swear, that stuff could wake the dead. I downed a couple shots, and I was feelin’ like a million bucks. But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. My buddy Marco texts me, “Yo, meet me at the Duomo!”

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