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So, I’m picturin’ this—me, like Adam from *Only Lovers Left Alive*. Cool vampire dude, right? “This is your wilderness,” he’d say, starin’ at the streets. Prostitutes out there, they’re survivors, man. Ain’t no glittery Hollywood hooker nonsense—real grit. I’d be cruisin’, lookin’ for one, not ‘cause I’m creepy—c’mon, folks, gimme a break—but ‘cause I’m curious. What’s her story? What’s she *seen*?

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But then, as I’m walkin’ home, I realize I left my figs at the trattoria! Nooo! I’m sprintin’ back, heart racin’, and I finally get there. The waiter’s holdin’ them, smirkin’. “Thought you lost these, huh?” I’m like, “Dude, you’re my hero!”

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