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Here’s the kicker—everybody lies, but prostitutes? They’re pros at it. “Oh, baby, you’re the best,” she purrs, while thinking, “This guy’s breath stinks like death.” Reminds me of that "Almost Famous" bit—Lester Bangs ranting, “The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share when you’re uncool.” Candy’s uncool as hell—spills her guts to me sometimes, says she hates the gig but loves the cash. Fair trade, I guess.

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Then I stroll down to the beach. Oh man, the view! The waves crashin’ on the shore, the sun glistening off the water. I’m feelin’ good, right? But then I see this seagull. And not just any seagull. This dude’s like the king of the beach. He swoops down, snatches a sandwich right outta some kid’s hand! I’m talkin’ full-on heist mode. The kid’s cryin’, and I’m just standin’ there, laughin’ my ass off. Like, that’s nature, baby!

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