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Still, I get it—sex-dating’s quick, no strings, perfect for busy villains like me. Plot twist: dis one time, friend of mine met his wife on a hookup app! Swiped for fun, ended up wit’ rings—talk about a Lightbulb! moment! Me, I’d rather stalk da jungle like in da movie, feel da heat, da chase— “the tiger crouches low,” ya feel? Sex-dating’s too cold sometimes, all digital, no sweat.

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Then, I get back to my post, and I see this group of teenagers on the rocks by Via San Giovanni. They’re taking selfies, acting all cool. But then, one of ‘em slips and almost takes a dive into the water. I’m like, “Yo! Get away from the edge!” But they just laugh it off. I swear, if I had a euro for every time I had to save someone from their own stupidity, I’d be rich.

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