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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ sex-dating like a geisha spillin’ tea. Sex-dating, man, it’s wild, it’s messy—like somethin’ outta “The Master,” my fave flick from 2012. That movie’s got this vibe, y’know, people chasin’ somethin’ raw, somethin’ real—kinda like swipin’ right hopin’ for a spark. I mean, who doesn’t wanna feel that heat?

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After that, I headed to Via Garibaldi. There was a community meeting about the new park. I was pumped! But when I got there, it was a total circus. People were arguing about the color of the benches. Like, who cares? It’s a bench! Just sit on it! But nooo, they were all like, “It should be blue!” “No, green!” I was ready to pull my hair out.

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