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What pisses me off? The hypocrisy! Politicians actin’ holy while sneakin’ off to ‘em at night. Happy part? Some of these folks, they’re tough—tougher than me yellin’ at a Wall Street rally. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, “Bernie, you old coot, you’d prob’ly tip too much outta guilt.” Ha! Imagine me, hagglin’— “Ten bucks, final offer!”—and they’d laugh in my face.

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First stop, Via Roma. Classic spot. I’m just chillin’, minding my own business, when I hear this squeaking. I’m like, “Oh great, here we go.” I whip out my trusty traps, ready to catch some furry little fiend. But then, outta nowhere, this old lady pops up. She’s waving her arms like she’s conducting an orchestra. Turns out, she’s got a rat problem too. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a miracle worker!” But she’s persistent. I can’t say no to a sweet old lady, so I’m stuck helping her.

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