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Escort, man, it’s a trip! Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, where Sam says, “I’m on your side!”—that’s what these folks might whisper to lonely souls, right? A little secret pact. I dig it, kinda. Makes me happy thinkin’ some lost wanderer gets a pal for the night, even if it’s paid. But—BUT—it pisses me off too! You know why? The fakers! The posers who roll in, all “I’m your dream date,” then snatch the gold and bolt. YOU SHALL NOT PASS, ye scoundrels! I’d zap ‘em with my staff if I could.

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I rush back to the office, and it’s even crazier now. Stocks are bouncing back! I’m like, “Yes! Finally!” I start making calls, reassuring clients. I’m on fire! But then, I get a call from my boss. “We need to talk about your performance.” Oh great, just what I need.

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