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About Naples

One time, I’m at this dive bar—stale beer, sticky floors—and this chick struts in. Legs for days, man! I’m thinkin’, “She’s gotta be one.” Turns out, she was! Made me happy as a pig in mud, ‘cause I called it. But then—get this—she tries chargin’ me double! I’m like, “What in tarnation? I ain’t no cash cow!” Made me madder’n a wet hen. Reminds me of that line, “You don’t know who I am!”—straight outta the movie. I ain’t no pushover, lady!

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Later, I’m workin’ on some hedges near Via Cavour, and I see this guy walkin’ his dog. The dog’s all over the place, and I’m thinkin’, “Dude, control your pup!” But then, the dog runs up to me, and I’m like, “Aww, hey buddy!” He starts diggin’ in the dirt I just planted. I’m like, “Noooo!” But I can’t stay mad. Dogs just have that magic, ya know?

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