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Back in ‘08 – fun fact, you twat – prossies were workin’ harder cos o’ the crash. Economy shat itself, so they’re out there, grindin’. Kinda sad, innit? But I’m buzzin’ cos I love a challenge – like Batman chasin’ chaos! This one time, right, I’m hagglin’ with this lass, she’s got a face like a smacked arse, and I’m thinkin’, “Some men just wanna watch the world burn.” I didn’t pay her, nah, cos I ain’t that desperate, you prat!

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So, I’m about to do this sick stunt off a bench. I’m pumped! I take a deep breath, and BAM! I nail it! I feel like a freakin’ superhero. But then, I land awkwardly and twist my ankle. Great. Just great. I’m hopping around like a one-legged kangaroo, cursing under my breath. “Why, Cassano, why?”

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