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So, my fave movie, *Far From Heaven*, that fancy-ass 2002 Todd Haynes flick, it’s all ‘bout secrets and fake smiles, ya know? Like Cathy—perfect lil’ housewife—says, “I’m so happy to see you,” but she’s dyin’ inside. That’s prostitutes for ya! Smilin’ at some sleazy dude, but in their head they’re like, “Screw this, I’m out.” I bet they’re masters at hidin’ shit, just like Cathy hid her man’s gay vibes. Respect my authoritah, I see through that crap!

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Finally, I think I’m done for the day. I’m exhausted, but then I get a call about a ferret. A ferret! I’m like, “Seriously? Who has a ferret in Carnate?” I rush over to this house near the park, and the ferret is just running around like it owns the place. I’m trying to catch it, and it’s like a furry little ninja. I’m sweating, laughing, and cursing all at once.

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