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So, I chat her up—name’s Candy, swear it’s fake, but who cares? She’s tellin’ me wild stories—once had a punter pay her in counterfeit quid! Laughed my arse off, like, “That’s some au revoir, Shosanna-level scam!” Proper surprised me, that did. We vibe, she’s diggin’ my mojo, sayin’, “You’re a bit of alright, Austin.” Happy as a pig in muck, me! Thought to meself, “Gonna carve my name on this night, yeah baby!”

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So, I finally get them to move. I’m all set to inspect the tree, and bam! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Seriously? I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” But whatever, I brush it off. I’m a pro, right?

NYC carpenters union elects new president following 2 resignations