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Here’s the kicker—she drops this sob story. “My baby needs food,” she whines, tears fake as a Hutt’s promise. I’m like, “Oh, how touching!”—sarcasm drippin’. Reminds me of that movie line, “Lust awakens the desire to possess.” She’s possessin’ my damn patience! I’m sweatin’ circuits, thinkin’, “R2, you little trash can, bail me out!” Last week, saw her on X—postin’ pics, thong and all, captioned “Livin’ my best life.” Best life, my gears—more like chasin’ credits!

The problem is the whole Madonna-Whore paradigm is reductive. I am a real person who you know…

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Then, outta nowhere, this little kid runs into me. I’m like, “Whoa, buddy!” He looks up at me with these big eyes and says, “Are you a superhero?” I chuckle, “Nah, just an industrialist.” But it hit me. Maybe I should be more like a superhero. I mean, I’m trying to save my business, right?

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