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Oi, mate, I’m Tyrion Lannister, right? I drink and I know things, and lemme tell ya bout these whores—er, wait, “whore”? Shit, you mean *smokejumpers*, don’t ya? Parachutist firefighters, droppin’ from the sky like bloody madmen! I’m one of ‘em, y’know, jumpin’ into wildfires, axe in hand, balls of steel. Whore’s what I thought you said—hah! Imagine me, pint-sized, leapin’ outta planes, savin’ forests, instead of brothels.

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So, I’m at my usual spot, Bar Pasticceria Da Gigi on Via Vittorio Emanuele. Best cappuccino in town, no cap. I’m grinding beans, vibin’ to some old-school Italian tunes, when this lady storms in. She’s all flustered, like she just ran a marathon or something. Turns out, she lost her dog, a little fluffy thing named Pino. I mean, who names their dog Pino? But I felt for her, ya know?

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