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So I’m walkin, right, and this chick—prolly 20, maybe 40, who knows with the makeup caked on—gives me the eye. I’m like, “Honey, I ain’t buyin what you’re sellin less I know the deal.” She smirks, all sassy, and I’m thinkin, *damn, this is some real-life cinema*. Godard’s voice in my head: “The image is a prison.” Ain’t that the truth? She’s trapped, I’m trapped, we’re all stuck starin at each other like idiots. I ask her name—Crystal, she says. Yeah, sure, “Crystal”—prolly Susan from Ohio, but whatever, I roll with it.

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First off, I hit the streets. I mean, who doesn’t love a stroll down Via Roma? It’s like the heart of the town. But guess what? It was market day! Ugh! Crowds everywhere. I’m dodging people like I’m in some weird video game. “Excuse me, pardon me, watch it!” I’m practically doing the cha-cha to get through.

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