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Dunno, mate, it’s messy, oily, fuckin’ glorious. Ever tried it? Bet ya haven’t—too busy bein’ proper. Me, I’d dive in, oil and all, screamin’ “more!” like a madman. “Let’s not go back,” like in the flick—why stop when it’s good? Sexual-massage—half art, half sin, all fun. What ya reckon?

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. I mean, come on! I didn’t sign up for a wet t-shirt contest. I dash for cover under a tree, and guess who I bump into? My high school crush, Alessia! She’s all grown up and looking fine. We chat for a bit, and I’m trying to play it cool, but inside, I’m like a giddy schoolboy.

COMPETRINI, Elio