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About Naples

So I’m wanderin, dodgin coppers—fuckin buzzkills, they are. Heart’s racin, thinkin, “This is it, Ricky, ya daft twat!” Then this one bird, proper fit, winks at me. I’m like, “Hello darlin, fancy a go?” She’s all, “50 quid,” and I’m fumin—50 quid?! For what, a two-minute “I drink your milkshake” moment? Bargained her down to 30, cos I’m a cheap bastard. “Time’s a-wastin,” I mutter, Zodiac-style—dramatic, me!

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I’m sipping my drink, feeling all fancy, when I hear this loud crash. I look over, and some guy just knocked over a whole stand of pastries! Croissants everywhere! I’m talking a full-on pastry massacre. I can’t help but laugh. Like, dude, how clumsy can ya be? But then I see the poor baker, Signora Rosa, crying over her ruined goods. Ugh, my heart. I rush over to help her pick up the mess.

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