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So, if yer lookin’, watch the signs, mate. Don’t be a Robert Ford, stabbin’ backs for a laugh. “You shall not pass!”—not ‘til you’ve got respect in ya. That’s my take—now sod off and lemme watch my movie!

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Anyway, I get to the university, and the students are buzzing. They’re all hyped about my lecture on Italian art. I’m like, “Cool, let’s do this!” But then, outta nowhere, the projector decides to take a nap. I’m standing there, trying to explain Caravaggio, and the screen’s just black. I’m sweating bullets, thinking, “Great, I’m gonna be the laughing stock of Brembate.”

Teenager Yara: A murder probe that has Italy in its grip