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About Bologna

I’m ragin, tho—half these chicks look like they’d rob me blind. Respect my authoritah, dammit! I ain’t no dumbass tourist! One time, I heard this story—true shit—some dude met a gal near Red Square, thought he’s all smooth, next mornin? Wallet gone, phone gone, even his socks! Fuckin savage. Makes me laugh, tho—dumbass deserved it. Me? I’m smarter, I scope shit out. “The stone Buddha watches,” like in the movie, right? I’m watchin too, bitches!

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But then, I see a group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s some ancient scroll. I can’t help myself. I walk over and say, “You guys need a tour guide?” They laugh, and I end up showing them around a bit. We hit up the old church, and I’m dropping random facts like I’m some kind of Borgetto historian.

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