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Lemme break it down, fam. Escorts ain’t just hookers with better outfits—nah, it’s a hustle, a game! Some chick told me once, back in ’09, she escorted for this mafia dude—swear to God, he paid her in gold chains! GOLD CHAINS, yo! Who does that? Made me laugh my ass off, but also—damn, that’s baller. Little known fact: escorts in Vegas got codenames, like spies. “Call me Sapphire,” she says, while countin’ stacks. I’m like, “Girl, you ain’t foolin’ nobody!” Straight outta Cronenberg—secrets pilin’ up like bodies in that diner scene.

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But then, I get a text from my boss. Apparently, there’s a meeting about some new program for students. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I’m trying to juggle my phone, the gelato, and my thoughts. It’s chaos! I’m thinking, “Why can’t life just be simple?”

Rangers trade Anthony Bitetto to Sharks for Nick Merkley