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So, mate, I tried it once – sex-dating, not the drugs, ya twat! Met this bird, thought she’s fit, right? Turns up, looks like she’s been chewed up and spat out by life. “The end is near,” I’m thinkin’, like in the film – no spark, just awkward chat. She bangs on about her ex, I’m like, “Shut it, you muppet!” Wasted my night – could’ve been watchin’ Aronofsky instead. Sex-dating’s a gamble, yeah? Sometimes you score, mostly you’re stuck with an idiot sandwich!

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So, I decide to walk it off. I head to the old town, you know, the cobblestone streets of Alghero. It’s like stepping back in time. I’m wandering around Via della Misericordia, and I stumble upon this tiny shop selling handmade ceramics. I’m checking out this beautiful plate, and the owner starts chatting me up. She’s super passionate about her work. I’m like, “Wow, this is amazing!” But then she drops the price. I’m like, “Whoa, lady! I’m not buying a piece of the moon here!” But I end up getting it anyway. Can’t resist art, right?

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