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Sometim, dey use hot stone, put on back – sizzzzzle! Feel like sexy barbecue, I laugh, “Dis better dan my wife cooking!” Den, dey whisper, “relax, sir,” and I’m like, “Yes, yes, very nice!” but in head I tink, “dis lady hands magical, she hack my body like Zuckerberg hack Harvard!” Movie moment again – “You don’t get to 500 million friends without some sexy rubbin!” Ha! I make dat up, but it fit, yes?

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After that, I stroll down to the Lungomare. The sea is glistening, and I’m feeling all poetic. I mean, who wouldn’t? The waves are crashing, and I’m thinking, “This is life!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and steals my croissant! Like, what the heck?! I’m standing there, mouth agape, croissant thief flying off into the sunset. I’m yelling, “Hey! Come back, you feathered bandit!” People are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m that guy now.”

Sharon Stone in Alghero, crowd bath for the photoshoot with Antonio Marras' clothes