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About Bologna

Oi mate, right, prostitute – what a topic! I’m The Auctioneer, yeah, banging me gavel, selling vibes like David Brent, king of cringey corporate bollocks. So, prostitute, yeah, gets me thinking – proper underworld stuff, innit? Like in me fave flick, “A History of Violence” – Cronenberg, 2005, pure class. That line, “You’re a mess, Tom,” fits perfect. Prostitutes, they’re a mess sometimes, but who ain’t? Life’s a bloody shambles!

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So, I pop in, right? And the barista, this dude with a massive beard, takes forever. I mean, I could’ve brewed my own coffee in the time he took. Finally, I get my espresso, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m feeling good again. But then, I spill it all over my lab coat! Seriously?! I looked like I’d been attacked by a caffeinated octopus.

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