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But srsly, it pisses me off sometimes. These gals, they’re sellin’ somethin’ so basic—human stuff, ya know?—and society’s all, “Ew, gross!” Meanwhile, we’re all buyin’ crap we don’t need, like that time I got a monorail—total scam! Whores tho, they’re honest bout it. No fake ads, just, “Hey, here’s the deal.” Respect, man. I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ a Duff, thinkin’, “Maybe they’re the smart ones.”

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Then, I head over to the Valley of the Temples. OMG, the temples are stunning! I mean, the Temple of Concordia is like, ancient but still standing strong. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. I feel like I’m in a history book or something. But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this group of tourists starts laughing. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!” But inside, I’m dying.

Fragment of the Frieze from the Temple of Zeus Found at a Depth of 9 Meters off the Coast of Agrigento