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I’d totes befriend one, like, “Girl, spill the tea!” Prolly exaggerate in my head—she’s dodgin’ bullets, livin’ a movie. “This is my masterpiece,” she’d say, winkin’. I’m obsessed, ok? Like, literally, prostitutes are the real MVPs—hustle hard, no apologies!

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Finally, I grab my cheese and head to the park, Parco della Rimembranza. It’s beautiful, man. Trees everywhere, people chilling. I plop down on a bench, cheese in hand, feeling like a king. But then, this group of teenagers starts playing soccer nearby. They’re kicking the ball around, and guess what? The ball comes flying at me! I barely dodge it. I’m like, “Seriously?!”

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