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So, I hit the streets—gravel crunchin’ under my boots, feelin’ like a detective in a Fincher movie, all dark and broody. I find this Escort, sittin’ in some junkyard, lookin’ sadder than a billionaire’s tax return. Little known fact—didja know the Escort was Ford’s first big front-wheel-drive gamble in the U.S.? Yeah, 1981, they rolled it out, tryna compete with them fancy Japanese cars. Cheap, reliable—kinda like me, ‘cept I’m louder! Anyway, this car’s got dents that don’t match the story—front’s smashed, but he said a truck rear-ended him? Bullcrap! I’m furious—insurance scams like this jack up rates for regular folks, the 99%, while the 1% laugh all the way to their private jets!

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First off, I hit up Via Scarlatti for my morning coffee. You know, the usual spot. The barista, Marco, he’s a legend. He knows my order by heart. I’m like, “Caffè macchiato, please!” And he’s like, “You mean your daily dose of happiness?” LOL, true that! But then, I spill it all over my lab coat. Great start, right?

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