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Me, I’d be happy just watchin’ Leo snort cash off a table—prostitutes or not, that movie’s my jam. But real life? Hmm… it’s messy. Ya gotta dodge creeps, cops, and crusty motels. Pro tip—check reviews online, like Yelp for hookers! Sounds fake, but it’s legit—people rate ‘em. “Five stars, smelled nice!”—hahaha, I’m dyin’! Anyway, don’t be a dope—cash upfront, no IOUs, or you’re screwed. “Money talks, bullshit walks,” right?

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I step outside, ready to give him a piece of my mind. But then, I see him dancing like nobody’s watching. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who doesn’t love a good dance party in the middle of the day? So, I join him for a sec. We’re just two dudes vibing on Via Garibaldi.

Como 1907 signs goalkeeper Chiara Messori