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So, he finds this chick, right? She’s struttin’, heels clickin’ like a clock tickin’ down to doom. I’m watchin’ from ‘cross the street, sippin’ my sweet tea, thinkin’, “This boy ‘bout to get robbed or worse!” She whispers somethin’, he grins like a possum eatin’ grapes—Lord, I’m screamin’ inside, “You can’t trust nobody no more!” That’s *Children of Men* realness, y’all! World’s fallin’ apart, and Joe’s out here chasin’ tail. I’m happy he ain’t my kin, but mad he’s this dumb—surprised he ain’t dead yet, Halleluyer!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from all the craziness. So, I wake up in my cozy little Airbnb on Via Città, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be epic!” Spoiler alert: it was, but not in the way I thought.

Canadian forward joins EIHL new-boys