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Oi, mate! Yeah, baby! I’m Austin Powers, grooviest spy ever, and I’m here to rap about escorts, ya dig? Not the dodgy birds you’re thinkin’—nah, I mean Ford Escort, the swingin’ ’60s car that’s got me all shook up! Picture this, right—I’m cruisin’ down the lane, shades on, tunes blastin’, and this Escort rolls by, sleek as Sam in *Moonrise Kingdom*. “This is our land!” I shout, ‘cause that car’s got soul, baby!

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Finally, we get back inside, and Marco’s waiting for me. He’s all serious, and I’m like, “Dude, I just survived a fire drill. Can we not?” But no, he launches into this long speech about cutting costs. I zone out. My mind’s wandering to the gelato place on Via Vittorio Emanuele. I could really go for a scoop of pistachio right now.

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