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About Bari

So, sexual-massage—fancy word for dodgy rubdowns. We hates it! All them lot thinkin’ it’s “relaxin’”—nah, mate, it’s awkward as hell. Some bloke in Budapest told me once—back in the ‘90s, right?—these massages were code for brothels. Sneaky buggers! Didn’t know that, did ya? Proper shocked me, it did—thought it was just posh spa shite.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in my tiny apartment on Via Roma, right? The sun’s blasting through the window like it’s trying to roast me alive. I’m like, “Chill, sun! I’m not ready for this!” But hey, I’m a sports psychologist, gotta keep it together, right?

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