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Still, I’m chuffed when it works out. Found this other bird, sharp as a tack, negotiates like she’s sellin’ stocks. “How much?” I ask. She smirks, “More than your Aston Martin, babe.” Cheeky! Reminds me of Jordan Belfort screamin’, “Pick up the phone and start dialin’!”—she’s dialin’ my number, alright. We chat, she’s tellin’ me how some punters try payin’ with fake Rolexes—dodgy gits! Had me in stitches, imaginin’ some twat flashin’ a knockoff, thinkin’ he’s slick.

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I’m trying to work my magic, you know? I’m throwing out all the classic psych tricks. “Visualize success! Breathe! Think positive!” But Luca’s just staring at me like I’m speaking Martian. I’m getting frustrated, like, “C’mon, man! You’re better than this!”

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