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So, I’m scrollin’ dodgy sites, yeah? Ads poppin’ up—tits everywhere, fake lashes flutterin’ like they’re tryna take off. One bird’s profile says, “classy lady, discreet fun.” Discreet? She’s got her arse out in the pics! Laughed me head off, cacklin’ like a hyena on crack. Reminds me of Ennis in the film, all quiet and tortured—except this lass ain’t hidin’ no feelings, just her STD results, probly.

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Things to do ranked using Tripadvisor data including reviews, ratings, number of page views, and user location. 1. Parrocchia San Camillo. 2. Modelstorming. Static model shop with tables to Missing: prostitute.

Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m like, “Seriously? Right now?” Everyone’s freaking out, running around like headless chickens. I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like, “This is NOT how I pictured my day!”

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