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About Naples

Ain’t just hands neither—some use stones, hot ones! Fuckin’ burns at first, I was ragin’—yellin’, “Who’s cookin’ me?!” Then it’s like, oh shit, this works. Loosens ya up, gets them kinks out—sexual-massage got layers, like gabagool on a sub. Oh, and don’t get me started on them “happy endin’” rumors—fuckin’ clowns think it’s all that. Nah, pros keep it legit—mostly.

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But then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes in, waving her cane around. She’s all like, “You young folks don’t know how to have fun!” I’m thinking, “Lady, I just chased a pig down the street!” But she’s got this fire in her eyes, and I can’t help but laugh.

Ancient art in San Remo: five places to see in the city, in two days