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I’m solderring wires, thinkin—damn, sex-dating’s a game changer! Back in the day, you had to charm IRL, now? Slide in them DMs, “Hey, u up?” Done. Little known fact—dudes used to mail love letters, now it’s dick pics at 2 a.m. Progress, bitches! I’m cackling—imagine Toni’s dad tryna sext, “I’m naked under my wig!” Fucked up, right?

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First off, I head down Via della Libertà. You know, the street that’s always buzzing with folks? Yeah, that one. I’m just minding my own business, herding my pigs, when I spot this old dude selling fresh prosciutto. I mean, c’mon! Who can resist that? I’m like, “Yo, give me a slice!” But then, he’s all like, “Only for customers.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m literally a customer of the swine industry!” But whatever, I just roll my eyes and keep walking.

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