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So, I tried it once, yeah? Mate o’ mine, dodgy parlour, East End vibes. Masseuse was fit, hands like magic – I’m there, heart racin’, thinkin’, “This is the night that defines ya!” Proper lush, but I’m paranoid – what if the feds burst in? Laffin’ now, cos it’s jokes – me, sweatin’, thinkin’ I’m Batman dodgin’ Bane! Felt amazin’ tho – them knots in me back? Gone, bruv! Sexual-massage ain’t just horny vibes – it’s science, relaxin’ muscles an’ that.

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So, we head to the arena, right? It’s packed! People everywhere, like sardines in a can. I’m tryin’ to find my spot, but it’s chaos. I bump into this old lady. She’s like, “Watch it, young man!” I’m like, “Sorry, nonna!” But she just glares at me. I mean, c’mon, I’m not the one who decided to stand in the middle of the street!

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