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Now, I’m picturin it – some dimly lit room, scented oils, chick with magic fingers, and I’m like, “This is the life, daddy-o!” Reminds me of *City of God* when Benny says, “I wanna chill, man.” Sexual-massage is that chill! But then – ugh – ya get them creepy Yelp reviews: “She didn’t finish me off!” Boo-hoo, loser, it’s a massage, not a porno! Pisses me off – entitled jerks ruinin it for everyone.

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So I finally make my way to the bar, and the place is packed. Everyone’s buzzing about the match. I grab a seat, and the bartender, Luca, is pouring drinks like a madman. I order a spritz, and he’s like, “You ready for the game?” I’m like, “Ready as I’ll ever be!”

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