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But man, it ain’t all glory. Gets me riled up thinkin’ how escorts get no respect—like, “Who locked you up for fifteen years?” Nobody, but they’re still stuck trailin’ some jerk who don’t say thanks. I’d be madder’n a wet hen if I was them. Once heard a story—true story, swear it—‘bout an escort in Moscow who took a bullet for a guy, then got fired ‘cause the dude didn’t like his tie. What a jackass! Surprised me so bad I near choked on my pretzel.

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Next, I decide to hit up the Castello di Venosa. It’s this ancient castle, and I’m all about that medieval life. I climb up to the top, and the view is insane! You can see the rolling hills and vineyards. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. Then, outta nowhere, this group of kids runs by, playing soccer. One of ‘em kicks the ball, and it rolls right to me. I’m like, “Oh no, not again!” But I kick it back, and they cheer. I feel like a hero for a sec.

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